Where are you?

I know God that you are well aware of everything. I know that you are in control of everything and that you permit what happens to happen. Oh well, it hurts. There are things that happen that really hurt. They can be stopped by you and they are not. I prayed yesterday for a two years old girl to live after having drowned in a pool at a party. I was very convinced that she will live because I believed that my Mass offering and my Rosary will save her. I heard this morning that she died. Oh Well. Yes she is for sure in your arms oh God ... but what about her family? Oh the pain! Oh the suffering! And why? Could not have been another way? We go on laughing and enjoying life while knowing that few houses from us, this tragedy has struck so hard. What a virgin I am when it comes to suffering!

God you have a tough heart to allow all this. Oh I know you are soft but you appear so tough and hard. We have trusted you with our kids, we have asked you over and over again to protect them. And then this happens. God you have saved them one million times and this time you did not. What is the secret of this mystery? What is the lesson of this tragedy? Can words of wisdom calm our hearts? Can biblical passages calm our raging seas? Time is the only one that will do it. Time, the only only thing faster than light is now going slower than everything.

I am sorry God that I seem mad at you. I have prayed for that 2 years old girl. I have trusted in you that you will save her from death. You did not. You are my God and you will always be my God, my trust in your providence overshadows all else, but I am confused and upset. Is it necessary God that we go through such suffering? I don't even know the girl but I feel the pain of her family, how much more do they feel?

I tell all that you are good. I tell all that you will not disappoint those who trust in you. I truly believe so, as if what is happening around me is nothing but a dream and it will pass away. Oh God I trust in you and I love you but you have let me down today.

Who am I to question you? Who am I to say anything at all? I know you will not hold my ignorance against me for I speak to you from what comes to my heart. Why do I blame you as if anything that goes wrong must be your fault since you are able to stop things?

God you have moved the clouds when I asked you and you have proven yourself over and over again to me. God I know of your presence and I believe in your power. I know you are love. Today I simply do not understand you. Nevertheless I love you and I ask you to strengthen her family and especially her parents and siblings so they can overcome this very dark tragedy.

Despite what happen, I love you because deep down I trust in your eternal love. Have mercy on us God. Have mercy on me God. Have mercy on her mom and dad. I trust in you.